Those Phrases shared by My Father That Helped Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You require support. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to open up between men, who still internalise harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."